Nope…money doesn’t even make it on the list.
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, women file for divorce two-thirds of the time. A more amazing statistic is that when the couple is college educated, divorce initiated by the wife is a whopping 90 percent! What’s more interesting is that for the past 100 years the primary filer has been the woman. The divorce rate began climbing at a drastic rate in the 70s. This statistic correlates with the fact that beginning in 1969, states began adopting “no fault” divorce laws and by 1985, all states had such a law in place.
The “no-fault” divorce allowed a couple to divorce due to irreconcilable differences. Prior to these laws, adultery or extreme cruelty required proof to receive approval for a divorce.
Due to many women’s beliefs, they still struggle with who they are and what roles in society they ought to fill. It’s an inner struggle that often leads a woman to put impossible demands on herself. She wants it all and somewhere inside of her feels that she has to do it all.
And when the marriage starts to crack, here are the primary reasons why women divorce, according to a Pennsylvania State University study:
3. Drinking/Drug Use
4. Grew apart
5. Personality problems
6. Lack of communication
7. Physical or mental abuse
8. Loss of love
9. Not meeting family obligations
10. Employment problems
Surprisingly, financial problems ranked thirteenth on the list, which goes to show you that fighting over money all the time (or lack of money) is NOT one of the primary causes of divorce.
The points on the list reflect a desire for a marriage that is equitable in many ways.
When it comes down to it, both, men and women are looking for the same thing — we all want a person who loves us unconditionally. A partner that asks our opinion on important matters, trusts our decisions and respects us as a person. We all want to feel appreciated. We do not want to come second or third. When we talk, we want to feel heard.
At one time, there was love in the relationship. In order to get married most couples had to have felt at least most of the above. They felt on top of the world, until life happened. Being different people, each person handles the stresses and pressures of everyday life differently. Arguments begin and communication breaks down.
Perhaps these points can operate as guidelines for newly married couples. Much like physical health, the emotional needs of couples must be nourished preventatively in order to preserve a loving and supportive relationship.
For more information on healing during and after divorce visit SupportForDivorcedWomen.com.